The Five Nuggets of Wisdom in Moving On from Toxic Relationships

By: Levi Mae Tampus and Adjemore Manabat

Relationships with family, friends, loved ones, and romantic partners are just a few yet influential sources of happiness and contentment in life. But sometimes, these relationships end up being the ones that deprive you of most of your energy in self-loathing, self-blame, and self-doubts. Moving past these relationships is as hard as getting out of it, especially when you have not yet accepted that the relationship was indeed toxic, meaning it lived off of your suffering and was not in any way nurturing. 

Points:

- Keep a journal and write all your thoughts. 

Writing is a cathartic experience that lets your mind wander and dive within yourself. The language you share with yourself is key to unlock any repressed memory that you deny yourself from moving forward. Everyone should keep a journal, it tells the accounts of your life. Some things also only make sense after a few months or even years when you wrote out your feelings. Anyone who feels, should write, it is not about creating a masterpiece of a work, but it is for yourself to find a sacred way of expressing. 

- Maintain a good and consistent growth mindset. 

Listen to positive music more than those that make you cry but NEVER dwell in toxic positivity, remember that crying and feeling sad is a normal phase of moving forward; what you just have to know is that there must be some point in your life that you should come to terms with it. Staying in a mentally bad place is like letting yourself drown even if you know how to swim. 

Think of this time as another opportunity to know yourself better, what your interests are. Sometimes when we are in relationships we often forget about ourselves, making this a chance for you to rediscover yourself, your habits when you’re in a relationship; are you a give and take lover, or are you the only one who always gives? It is important to reflect on these so that you can be a better version of yourself for yourself and for the next people you will have a good relationship with. A good and consistent mindset is partnered with a good company, you should be able to define what good company means to you. These should be the people that you do not have necessarily romantic affiliations with, but people you can trust. A good company is not just someone that is there to cheer you up, but also those that empathize and can just sit alone with you and your thoughts. 

- Acceptance, acceptance, acceptance

 A lot of people who had been in a toxic relationship cannot spell this simple adjective. Acceptance is a manifestation of positivity, in the end, you will come to realize how the pain from that relationship makes you value yourself more than ever. If you're still on that corner, thinking about that toxic relationship, things from the world will always haunt you, the world will always remind you of the things that you cannot face and what you cannot accept; perhaps a sad movie from Netflix, or seeing a tweet from someone who realized the tears are not worth it, and all the simple things that you keep on running away from.  So go out there, make all things beautiful, don’t say things like "I'm going to start over" but rather, tell yourself "I’ll continue without you". Learn to accept and love yourself, and being happy and content is a sign that you’ve made it. 

- Forgive at your own pace

Forgiveness is never easy and it is okay to do it at your own pace. You do not have to rush  if you are not yet ready. Forgiveness is closely tied with acceptance. It takes a while to see the lessons from the pain, to understand that this is your reality. Forgiveness is how you respond to be open again for happiness but forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconnection with the people who caused you pain. Remember that you are in control of your freedom and happiness.  

- Discover the magic of Healing

Take your time to heal. Healing can be done through a lot of things. Start with building yourself and tug back on all the pieces that have floated away from you, look for the person that you lost but once loved you, and that is yourself. In other words, it can be done through reconnection, when you are healing, you can see the light ahead without the fear of running fast for it when you think it’s temporary. This time, you are sure of what lies ahead. When you are trying to discover the magic of healing, it will reveal its truth. It will tell you a lot of things that you need to hear and those truths will bring you into another phase of your life, you're strong and dedicated. It will allow you to appreciate all the things that you have missed when you are busy being blind to see them. It will give you love for yourself, and love for others as well.